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  More Than You Know

  Alexandria Rhodes

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locals, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property.

  More Than You Know

  Copyright © 2013 Alexandria Rhodes.

  All rights reserved.

  Published in the United States of America

  Cover Design by Mayhem Cover Creations

  ISBN-13: 978-1482361650

  ISBN-10: 1482361655

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five: Tyler

  Six

  Seven: Tyler

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen: Tyler

  Sixteen

  Seventeen: Tyler

  Epilogue: Tyler

  Behind the Scenes

  Acknowledgments

  The Author

  Times Infinity…

  This is for you, Grandma, my butterfly.

  Prologue

  ____________________

  When I was a little girl I couldn’t wait to grow up. Growing up always looked so easy. You could do what you wanted to do, say what you wanted to say and be wherever it was you wanted to be. But I was naïve like many kids my age. I didn’t know how fast things could change and be taken away from me. People could be gone in an instant without a second glance back. I didn’t know how one single moment could change my entire life.

  My very first memory of Tyler Wilson was when I was seven years old and it had been the first winter that the Wilson family had been in the neighborhood. Mr. and Mrs. Wilson had invited my dad and me to their New Year’s Eve party and I was ecstatic.

  Tyler was eight and Charlotte, my new best friend, was the same age as me. I’ve held on tightly to that memory and to this day, that night stands out clear in my mind.

  The city of Savannah was at its best. The usual temperatures had finally dropped into the sixties, which was a break from the humid days we had eighty percent of the time. Despite the cooler temperatures in the winter, the sky was as blue as it was in the summer. It was the time when the city belonged to us; the usual crowds of tourists wanted to go somewhere tropical during the winter season and Savannah seemed calm, just for a moment. Almost everyone attending the local University had gone home for the holidays. The tourists that did show up for the winter season were natives themselves, having vacationed here for years. Savannah was their second home.

  My dad and I left our house close to nine that night and I’d been more than excited that I was finally allowed to stay up until midnight, even though my dad assured me that I would pass out before the New Year rolled in.

  “Bryn, don't feel like you have to stay awake all night, okay?” my dad said as we walked up the sidewalk to the Wilson's front door.

  “Dad!” I said, annoyed. “I already told you I'm staying up until midnight.”

  He shook his head and smiled as he knocked on the front door.

  “Mr. Woods, Bryn,” Oliver Wilson said as he opened the door and took the salad my dad had offered to bring, shaking his hand. “We’re so glad you could make it. Bryn, Charlotte is in the kitchen stocking up on junk food and sugar.” He turned to my dad. “Charlotte thinks she can make it until midnight without falling asleep.”

  My dad smiled. “Bryn thinks she can too.”

  I took my shoes off once inside and ran into the kitchen, maneuvering my way through the large groups of people on the way.

  “You're here!” Charlotte squealed as she ran over to me to give me a hug. “Want some Skittles?” she asked, holding out a bowl filled to the top with colorful candies. Grabbing a handful, we hopped up onto the counter and swung our legs over the edge while shoving our mouths full with Skittles.

  “Get your cute little butts off the counter, please,” Mrs. Wilson said as she came in with the salad, setting it on the counter. “Bryn, you look very pretty tonight, how are you sweetie?” she asked as she gave me a hug.

  I swallowed the ball of Skittles that had formed in my mouth with a large gulp. “Thanks. Dad let me buy a new dress for tonight.”

  “You did a very good job at picking it out.” Mrs. Wilson grabbed an empty bowl from the cabinet and filled it with Chex Mix, rinsing her hands off in the sink after. “Help yourself to anything as always, Bryn. I have to go say hello to our guests.” She walked out, her heels clicking against the elaborate tiles on the floor.

  Charlotte jumped off the counter and grabbed the bowl of Skittles. “Let's go downstairs. Tyler and his friend Jason are down there. We can play a game or something while we wait for the countdown.”

  I followed her to the basement timidly. I never really liked Tyler that much. I met him a couple of times but only long enough for him to make fun of me for something. Boys.

  “Charlotte, only guys are allowed down here!” Tyler whined as we got to the main room of the basement.

  She sat down on the ground and carefully placed the Skittles close to her, seeming very protective of them. “It's only Bryn and I. We'll be quiet. We just want to play a game.”

  Tyler rolled his eyes and brushed his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes as he turned his attention back to the Nintendo game. Charlotte and I played a couple of games of Operation and sure enough I slowly started to yawn more frequently, my eyes getting heavier by the hour.

  “You can't fall asleep yet!” Charlotte said as she scrunched up her face and patted her stomach. "My stomach hurts.”

  I laughed. “Wonder why.”

  “What?” Charlotte asked loudly over the booming sounds coming from the game behind us. We glanced over at the boys who had obviously been turning the volume of the game up since we came down.

  “Can you please turn the TV down? I can't even hear Bryn talk!”

  Tyler picked up the remote control and gave Charlotte a death glare as he turned the volume down by one. “There, I turned it down.”

  Charlotte rolled her eyes. “He's such a jerk sometimes.”

  I gasped as I saw the time on the clock hanging on the wall. “Guys, it's eleven fifty-seven. Almost time!”

  Tyler and his friend dropped their Nintendo controllers and we sprinted up the stairs, the boys fighting to see who could get to the top first. We ran into the living room where everyone had gathered around the large TV. Mr. Wilson was walking around passing out long glasses filled with a light amber colored liquid.

  “The last minute is about to hit! Everyone watch for the ball to drop!” someone yelled over the noise of people talking.

  I stood on my tiptoes but couldn’t see much besides Charlotte, Tyler and his friend from downstairs. “Ten...nine...” I heard all around me.

  I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Tyler. “We're supposed to kiss someone at midnight, kiss me okay?”

  “What?” I asked, not sure if I had just heard him correctly.

  “Five...four...”

  “Bryn, when they say one, I'm going to kiss you.”

  Then they yelled one and Tyler grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed his mouth to mine, both of our lips in a tight line. It was awkward yet his lips were soft and tasted sweet like sugar. I pulled away, never having closed my eyes and looked at h
im bewildered. His face was relaxed and I looked around hoping my dad hadn't seen Tyler do that or I would never be allowed to come back over. “Tyler and Bryn sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!” Jason chanted. Tyler punched him in the shoulder and looked at me quickly before they disappeared downstairs.

  Suddenly, Tyler wasn’t the boy who teased me for my freckles whenever I came over. He was the boy who had just kissed me. And as fast as it happened things were different.

  Forever.

  One

  ____________________

  Sometimes I hated being an adult. Things were just so much harder than they had been when I was younger. My decisions no longer consisted of what I would play after school each day or what show I would pick to watch after my homework was done. My decisions were now life choices. Choices that consisted of what degree to go after in college. What kind of job I was going to want after I graduated. What I would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner because, as an adult woman, every calorie counted. It sucked with a capital “S.”

  At the age of twenty-two and with four years of life-altering decision making under my belt, I was finally getting ready to graduate with a degree in both English and Writing. The double major being a last minute, and not very well thought out decision resulting in many, many headaches and late nights.

  I now knew all about the masterminds of literature such as Virginia Woolf, James Joyce and Emily Bronte. I understood the structures of writing and how to stretch a ten-page paper into a fifteen-page masterpiece. One of the most important lessons I learned was how to read a 400-page book in one night, hours before I had to get up in time for class.

  However, I couldn’t have learned how to deal with the shattering heartbreak I was faced with almost four years ago. I didn’t know how to deal with the love of your life leaving you with nothing but memories. I didn’t understand how to get past the pain and suffering I encountered when I lost the only parent I had ever known, my dad. I was certainly never told that after everything that happened, after all of the secrets I shoved in a suitcase four years ago, it was okay to just be okay.

  Yet after everything, the most important lessons I learned was how to procrastinate with my roommate and best friend in the city, Olivia.

  Olivia and I met in our introduction to Shakespeare class and I instantly knew we would be friends. With her humor and my perseverance, we seemed to work well together. After our first semester of our freshman year, we luckily got out of both of our roommate situations and moved in together. With everything else we had in common it was no surprise that we were both from Georgia. Olivia grew up in a small town called Bloomingdale. It was a good twenty minute drive from Savannah and is why we had never crossed paths. Her parents had kept her in private schools her entire school career. You could imagine their surprise when she announced she was going to New York to pursue her degree in interior design. They felt it was the most dangerous city out there in their opinion.

  While Olivia attended private schools, I grew up in the public school system. Which is kind of funny seeing how our personalities didn’t seem to match our upbringings. Olivia, as much as I loved her, was one to let loose from time to time. She enjoyed staying out all night, drinking and meeting new guys. College life suited her. For me, though, I was more of a homebody. I enjoyed staying in if given the option but enjoyed going out once and awhile. I didn’t mind going to bed at ten only to be woken up by Olivia coming in at two in the morning after being with a guy. I was no prude, but, damn, I liked my sleep and knowing where I was the next morning.

  Our nights, when we were both home, were filled with laughing, cooking, baking and studying when we needed to. We knew each other’s limits and respected each other’s needs for quiet time.

  Since we would both be graduating in a few weeks and had a cabinet full of half-empty liquor bottles, we were determined to go out with a bang.

  So here I was on a Tuesday night in my leggings and an oversized NYU sweatshirt dancing around the kitchen singing while using a wooden spoon as my makeshift microphone.

  “Should I stay or should I go? Nice song choice, Woods.”

  I turned around, shocked to hear another voice and slightly embarrassed by the hip swaying she was sure to have seen. Olivia sat down at one of our bar stools and put her head in her hands, a big smile across her face.

  “You fucking scared me!” I exclaimed, my hand against my heart which was pounding pretty fast.

  Olivia laughed. “I bet I did. Nice dance moves by the way.”

  “I only learned from the best.” I winked at her. “Did you remember to put the martini glasses in the refrigerator to chill?” I asked, grabbing the ingredients needed for a dry martini; our favorite after class drink.

  Olivia stood up in our small, yet very chic kitchen, thanks to her personal knowledge of design, and walked over to the refrigerator doors. “Duh,” she said, pulling out two, now frosted glasses, setting them down on the kitchen counter. “Don’t you know me by now? When have I ever messed up our drinks?”

  “Never, which I’m still debating if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing.”

  She hit me playfully on the arm and grabbed the Grey Goose bottle out of my hands and started pouring. “So, are you going to keep trying to ignore the fact that you still haven’t answered Mason’s question about the date he asked you out on? Or, have you proved me wrong and finally decided to call back?”

  Mason was a guy I had met last month at a lecture on the effects that current events had in novel writing. He was cute as hell but every time I thought about the possibility of being with him, I found myself making excuses. “I have to study,” “I have to be up early tomorrow,” “Olivia needs me.” And Olivia knew exactly what I was doing.

  “Yeah, I was going to call him tonight,” I lied.

  Olivia grabbed an olive out of the jar in front of her and threw it at me. “You’re a liar. Come on, I know you better than that.”

  “How come it matters all of a sudden with Mason? You never gave me crap for declining a date before.”

  “Because, Bryn, you’re about to graduate college and over the past three and a half years I’ve lived with you I have never seen you go out on a date with anyone.”

  “So?”

  “So? Don’t you want to fall in loooove? Get some good lovin’?” she said, winking, dragging out the word. “I mean, when is the last time you got laid? And using your bedtime buddy doesn’t count.”

  I glared at her, shocked she would know about that little toy I kept hidden in the back of my closest safely hidden from Olivia’s nosy eyes.

  “And yes, I know about it.” She dropped a tooth pick with three olives in both of our glasses and handed me one.

  I felt the blood rush to my cheeks in embarrassment as I made a mental note to get rid of that thing as soon as possible.

  Olivia took a sip of her drink and continued. “So when was the last time?”

  I grabbed the glass from her hands, and sighed. Truth was it had been a long time. A very long time.

  Tyler Wilson had been my first four years ago and he had been my last. I knew I would never have a love like the one we had. It was a love that hurt so good. The kind that could break your heart but heal it too. Tyler had been one of a kind. He was passionate about everything he said and everyone he loved. He was always deep in thought, wanting to get on every level possible with a person. Unfortunately for me, I had let him in on everything about myself. Leaving me feeling over exposed when we had broken up. Now, there was someone who wasn’t in my life anymore that knew too much about me.

  Even with as close as Olivia and I were I couldn’t bear to hear the comments that were sure to come out of her mouth if I told her the truth about my love life. Hell, even I would make fun of it.

  So I lied for the second time that night. “Remember that night we went to the concert and you left early with Josh?”

  Josh had been her “mistake of the semester” as she liked to call the boys she dated but wished s
he hadn’t. Olivia claimed that every single girl was entitled to one a semester. Or, maybe two, depending on the circumstances.

  “Ugh, I had forgotten about him, don’t remind me now.”

  “Well, while you were with the man who-must-not-be-named, I was busy meeting my own mistake.”

  Lie number three.

  “And since I had the apartment to myself I invited him in after he walked me to our door.”

  Lie number four.

  “You didn’t!” Olivia said, hitting the palm of her hand down on our kitchen’s countertop.

  I nodded. “I did.”

  Lie number five. I was officially a lie whore. I wonder if that was appropriate to say in a confession.

  “So, that was almost a year ago,” she said taking an olive between her teeth and chewing it slowly.

  God if she only knew, I thought to myself.

  “A year is far too long to go without sexin’ it up. We need to fix this which is why you need to go out with Mason!”

  But it was never going to be an easy fix with me. It was as though I was forever stuck and since no one had ever known or would understand, it was something that I kept to myself.

  It was a secret I was dead set on never telling anyone, even Olivia. It was the pain I didn’t want to revisit. What helped me with my guilt was the fact that everyone kept secrets. Secrets are what hold people together, keeping them intrigued and guessing. Without secrets, we would have nothing to wonder about, nothing to help our imaginations fly by trying to reach the limits of possibilities.

  The ringing of the phone brought me out of my thoughts as I jumped at the loud sound.

  “If that’s Mason then you have no reason to say no because it will be a sign. Fate or some shit like that,” Olivia said, grabbing her drink. “I’m going to grab a shower. Don’t forget, dinner tonight with Michelle, Stephanie, Ray and Taylor.”